Letting Go of Perfection

Letting go of Perfection

I want to say I’m sorry for not getting my article done last month. Life happens, and the Beard household was just a bit out of control last month. I finally just had to give up and make the call that the article was just not going to happen. Which leads me to my topic… so pour a cup of tea, sit down, and consider what I have to share with you.

Do you enjoy long spells of doing absolutely nothing, or are you like me and go stir crazy if you aren’t doing something? I think most women tend to be “busy”. God wired us to give, serve, nurture. We look in Scripture and see example after example of industrious women “looking well to the ways of their households”. We spend great quantities of time making sure we’re getting it all done, and done right. But I wonder if we have the right focus.

We see in Jesus’ encounter with Martha and Mary that our first priority is to spend time with Him, at His feet. That puts our attitudes in a perfect place. When we are close in our relationship with Jesus, we have a greater capacity to extend grace to our family. His priorities are not a perfect house, but a loving home.

I firmly believe that one of the ways Jesus has used my health problems to His glory is the way it has forced me to let go of perfection. I have spent my children’s younger years teaching them how to take care of the house and how to prepare the food, etc. Now they are learning to do it better through lots of practice. But I have to struggle with letting go of perfection, and learning to rest while they are doing the bulk of the work.

Having that cleaned, picked up house is always a struggle for us homeschoolers because we are always there in the home, it never stays done! We need to release that desire for the “perfect house” and instead focus on the loving home. Letting go frees us to allow our children to grow in their ability to take over the household chores. Letting go allows us to focus more on what our family members need that what our house needs. Letting go lets God grow His grace in us.

Give your small child a rag and let him dust the baseboards while you sip your tea. Have your grade school children vacuum while you put up your tired feet and cuddle a little one. Your Jr. Higher or High Schooler can do that bathroom while you read some Scripture and sip some Tension Tamer tea. And when they are done, encourage what they did right, offer tips for the next time, and never re-do what they did! Let go of perfection and hug your children.

Tea-for-Two

I have a best friend that is a precious, rare jewel. In fact, Jewel is her middle name!

The early days of our friendship were forged over cups of coffee and the Word of God. Our Father, quite literally, put our friendship together despite our protests. We didn’t have much at all in common except we both went to the same church (in a different town) and we lived in the same neighborhood. She thought I was a goody two-shoes who didn’t want to spend time with someone like her. I just couldn’t sleep with snoring! (We shared a room for one night at a woman’s retreat). But, our small group Pastor kept urging our two families to get together. Sandie and I gave in and tried, our husbands didn’t. And that started us on a wonderful, unexpected friendship.

As we spent time weekly over cups of coffee, or tea, with the Word between us, with our hearts in prayer for our husbands and our children, God formed a bond in us. We know how David and Jonathon felt when they made a covenant between them. We understand the deep love that extended even to each others children and heirs. We’ve shared the birth and death of hopes and dreams, ours, our husbands’ and our children’s. We share promises received, and some still awaiting.

One of the hardest things we have gone through is separation. For the last several years we have been struggling to learn how to do best-friendship over a long distance. It has been tough. We have both have health issues that we wish we were able to be closer to help one another. We have also had tremendous family stresses. We both could so use our tea-for-two time. One evening after this past Christmas, my dear Sandie called me to give me permission to find a new best friend to have tea with here to help with my stress load. I can’t begin to tell you the sacrifice that was for her, and we both cried together as I told her that no one could replace her.

So why am I sharing this with you? It is the beginning of a new year. I’ve been trying to challenge you a little bit each month. So, now I’m asking you to reach out, stretch a bit maybe. Start to share your tea with someone else. Do you have a Best Friend? Is she your accountability partner? Is there a younger Mom you can share a cup of tea with? Can you give a gift of tea to someone? We all need Jesus with skin on from time to time, and He is faithful to give us friends.

My article this month is dedicated to my Bestest Friend Ever, Sandie Jewel Cumpiano. She is my David and my Anne with an E

The Value of a Cup of Tea

Have you noticed the days are getting shorter, and the morning air is a bit crisper? Fall is here! Thanksgiving is around the corner and all the stores are beginning to stock up for Christmas. The Holiday season is upon us; unfortunately, that usually means instead of taking time to rest, we get even busier.

We have too much to do, too many people to take care of, too many things needing to get done. That has been one of the biggest battles of my life. I have a heart that loves to give and to serve, but also one that has taken a very long time to learn to say no. God has allowed several occasions to come in my life when my health has crashed because I was over committed, doing too much. Each time I thought I had learned my lesson.

Shortly after my daughter was born, I learned I had inherited another family trait, low thyroid. It wasn’t discovered until I was in a deep clinical depression. My pastor advised me, along with my doctor’s treatment, to sleep when I needed it, and to make sure I had daily recreation. He asked me what things I did that I enjoyed, reading, crafts? I replied that I had no time for any of the things I enjoyed to do. I had four children. I was home schooling them. I had duties. His reply was that I needed that time of recreation for my renewal. I needed that “cup of tea” to build my reserves to be able to serve my family, or I would continue in the cycle of collapse.

I thank Our Lord all the time for my wise Pastor. Jesus got through to me that last time and I finally learned that my daily Word time and Tea time are necessary to keep my life in balance.

I can hear many questions coming at me on just how to get your time in the word daily, especially from those of you with small children. Please remember, God’s Word is living and active. It is living food for your life and your spirit. Some may not agree with me on this, but I have seen God sustain me and grow my children over the years through what I have done. In the younger years, I simply read the Word to my children (baby- about 3^rd). We would read a chapter a day, through a whole book. Then we would pray together. As they got older, we would discuss the chapter after reading it. They would also get to choose the books we would read through. In the Jr. and Sr. High years, we study inductively together. So, yes, most of my Word time is with my children. I also read through the bible, but I don’t make it in a year, and I don’t get to it everyday.

So, am I in the Word everyday, yes It is the Bread of Life. Am I alone with It, no. Am I alone with God everyday, yes. I tend to run an ongoing dialogue with the Lord throughout my day. I don’t know when that began, but that is how my life is.

The busy Holiday season is upon us, are you ready for it? Have you developed a habit of little tea breaks in your busy day? Have you begun to look at you Father’s world through the eyes of your child? Push through with those in this harried time don’t let go of the knowledge that He came to give us a light burden when we are yoked with Him.

Is your tea hot or cold?

So, how many times last month did you get to sit down and rest? How many times did you try only to be called away by an important need? You take care of the problem, and come back to find your tea cold in the cup…

Hmm, chances are you have young children. The younger they are, the more the interruptions it seems. It seems so long ago to me that I’ve had babies and toddlers running around. My kids are 11, 14, 18, and 19, way past baby size. I remember so well older Moms telling me “enjoy these years, they go by so quickly” and while I now know they were right, it really didn’t help much at the time. So, how to enjoy your cup of tea with babies and toddlers? That is what you really need. One thing I did is nurse my little ones. It forced me to sit down and rest. I would use that time to snuggle everyone up and read together. It made a good rest time. So, if you have a nursing baby, give that rest break a try. If you bottle feed, guard it as a rest time. Don’t delegate it to someone else, use it as your rest and snuggle time too! Since your tea has turned cold, throw in some ice and still have your tea break (you won’t burn your little ones with this method).

I get lots of questions about how I home schooled with babies and toddlers. What did I do with them when I was schooling the others? I guess my answer is that I didn’t do anything with them. Home schooling for our family is not separate from being our family. It is part of how we do life, so the babies and toddlers were just included in what we do. If we were reading, they were listening. If we were writing, they had age appropriate writing tools. If we were doing art, so were they. Chances are your school age children are still young as well, and so all of your children are eagerly learning through exploring the outdoors, hearing tons of good books, doing lots of fun experiments, growing gardens, field trips, caring for animals, etc. Hmm, every wonder what they see down there from their view?

So, my challenge this month, continue your tea breaks (hot or cold) and add enjoying a couple of your children’s adventures this month with a child-like wonder. Try it; let me know how it goes.

Sitting down for a cup of tea, or coffee …

When I was a young wife, and a young mother, I loved being able to sit down and just chat with a lady who had been a little further down the road than I had been. Now I look around me and find that I am that person. I don't have all the answers, and I don't think those women before me did either, but they sat with me and talked and let me learn from them.

So, maybe, I have some things to say that will help a young wife or mother following the path behind me. Maybe I do have a little something to encourage her day.

I used to like to sit and chat over coffee, hence the name Java Jane's, but I've since changed to a nice cup of tea. But the atmosphere is the same, slowing down and chatting things through. So, if you like coffee, or tea, make a cup and sit down and rest awhile.

That is the hardest part…stopping…sitting down…resting. Try it this month. I encourage you to begin to set aside some time each week to have a quiet cup of tea, or coffee. Read a book you’ve been wanting to read, talk to a friend, or sit outside and watch the birds. It may drive you nuts at first, but keep trying, reach for rest.

Lompoc Christian Educators

This year I was asked to write a series of articles for our homeschool support group's monthly newsletter.
I've decided to re-post them here.

Riots in London- Could it happen here?

Last night as I watched news footage of the riots in London with my husband, I thought, could that happen here, in my neighborhood?  How frightening it must have been for so many to see gangs of young people take to the streets smashing windows, looting, burning, and defying any sort of authority. Over and over again, commentators and police stated that the average age of the offenders were between 12 - 15 years. That struck me sharply to the heart.  I think what brought it all home was one woman's comment,

"Where are the parents?"

What are we parents doing? How are we raising our children? When I look around at the decay of the American Family, I see many children left to raise themselves. We have allowed our nation to twist and turn the importance and definition of what a family is so that it no longer even has meaning. At the founding of America, we had a common understanding of what a family was, and the knowledge that it was the backbone of the strength of our society. Now, if you ask 10 different people what a family is and its importance to society, you will likely get 10 different answers.

It takes one man and one woman to create a child. That's how our bodies are made. That is how we are designed. It's a very simple concept to grasp and it doesn't take a bunch of weird tangents if you follow how we are made. Sometimes there are problems when spouses can't have children, but the basic family unit is still one man and one woman because that is what fits together. We are also created to bond together over a lifetime. We used to just believe this as truth, but as our divorce rates have soared, we now see the damage broken marriages do between two spouses.

And what of our children, how do we treat them differently? I listen to my parents talk of when they were children. My mother-in-law was brought up in England, she was a young child during WWII. She remembers the rules of "don't speak unless spoken to"  "children are to be seen and not heard", it was "strict" but she has a great deal of love and respect for her parents and family. She remembers that courtesy was very important, manners were everyday stuff. My parents are the same. You were expected to obey your parents, you were spanked when you disobeyed, but that was not often, and it was not abuse. Respect and manners were very important.

What about me? My parents were very firm. I was expected to obey them. I remember not being able to get away with anything in the neighborhood because by the time I got home, the mom down the street had already called my mom. I gave my mom a really rough time during my teenage years, I still thank her for never giving up on me. There were times that our family needed extra money for things, so my mom picked up jobs here and there, and they always seemed to involve us kids. She was very wise. In our teen years, she began to work at a local trophy shop, she got jobs for my older brother and I there, which left my younger brother to take care of the house and cooking all alone. She had us all too busy to get into trouble. Many of the kids in my generation still had two parents at home, about half of my friends still had moms at home. This is not true of my kids' generation.

I see most kids now being raised by daycare, schools, and the streets; not the parents who bore them.  Since the end of WWII, we have done a great job of belittling the woman who chooses to raise her own family's children. We told her that she was wasting her time and her talents. As I look at all the troubled kids around me, I think we wasted all these women's time and talents in the workforce. We could have invested in two lost generations of kids. Day cares are trying to fill a need, but they just can't replace a nurturing mother. The schools have ejected values, discipline and they are focused on teaching to the lowest common denominator. They have so many social teachings that once belonged to the parents, that actual academics are crippled. That leaves our streets. We don't have parents at home when their children are home. We don't have parents that are connected to their kids. As a result, neighborhoods and cities are seeing a rise in gang activity all across the country, and it is not limited to large cities. They are found in small cities and even in rural communities.

So, back to the question, could it happen here? I think the truth is that it can and it probably will if we continue on the course we have chosen as a country. I'm not saying that everyone is on this course. I have a group of friends around me that is committed to doing life differently. Many others are also involved in this battle. It's hard to set standards within your family and stick with it when others don't seem to care. It's hard to make it on one income in California. But it is beautiful to see your children grow into responsible adults who care about each other and about the world around them.