Last night as I watched news footage of the riots in London with my husband, I thought, could that happen here, in my neighborhood? How frightening it must have been for so many to see gangs of young people take to the streets smashing windows, looting, burning, and defying any sort of authority. Over and over again, commentators and police stated that the average age of the offenders were between 12 - 15 years. That struck me sharply to the heart. I think what brought it all home was one woman's comment,
"Where are the parents?"
What are we parents doing? How are we raising our children? When I look around at the decay of the American Family, I see many children left to raise themselves. We have allowed our nation to twist and turn the importance and definition of what a family is so that it no longer even has meaning. At the founding of America, we had a common understanding of what a family was, and the knowledge that it was the backbone of the strength of our society. Now, if you ask 10 different people what a family is and its importance to society, you will likely get 10 different answers.
It takes one man and one woman to create a child. That's how our bodies are made. That is how we are designed. It's a very simple concept to grasp and it doesn't take a bunch of weird tangents if you follow how we are made. Sometimes there are problems when spouses can't have children, but the basic family unit is still one man and one woman because that is what fits together. We are also created to bond together over a lifetime. We used to just believe this as truth, but as our divorce rates have soared, we now see the damage broken marriages do between two spouses.
And what of our children, how do we treat them differently? I listen to my parents talk of when they were children. My mother-in-law was brought up in England, she was a young child during WWII. She remembers the rules of "don't speak unless spoken to" "children are to be seen and not heard", it was "strict" but she has a great deal of love and respect for her parents and family. She remembers that courtesy was very important, manners were everyday stuff. My parents are the same. You were expected to obey your parents, you were spanked when you disobeyed, but that was not often, and it was not abuse. Respect and manners were very important.
What about me? My parents were very firm. I was expected to obey them. I remember not being able to get away with anything in the neighborhood because by the time I got home, the mom down the street had already called my mom. I gave my mom a really rough time during my teenage years, I still thank her for never giving up on me. There were times that our family needed extra money for things, so my mom picked up jobs here and there, and they always seemed to involve us kids. She was very wise. In our teen years, she began to work at a local trophy shop, she got jobs for my older brother and I there, which left my younger brother to take care of the house and cooking all alone. She had us all too busy to get into trouble. Many of the kids in my generation still had two parents at home, about half of my friends still had moms at home. This is not true of my kids' generation.
I see most kids now being raised by daycare, schools, and the streets; not the parents who bore them. Since the end of WWII, we have done a great job of belittling the woman who chooses to raise her own family's children. We told her that she was wasting her time and her talents. As I look at all the troubled kids around me, I think we wasted all these women's time and talents in the workforce. We could have invested in two lost generations of kids. Day cares are trying to fill a need, but they just can't replace a nurturing mother. The schools have ejected values, discipline and they are focused on teaching to the lowest common denominator. They have so many social teachings that once belonged to the parents, that actual academics are crippled. That leaves our streets. We don't have parents at home when their children are home. We don't have parents that are connected to their kids. As a result, neighborhoods and cities are seeing a rise in gang activity all across the country, and it is not limited to large cities. They are found in small cities and even in rural communities.
So, back to the question, could it happen here? I think the truth is that it can and it probably will if we continue on the course we have chosen as a country. I'm not saying that everyone is on this course. I have a group of friends around me that is committed to doing life differently. Many others are also involved in this battle. It's hard to set standards within your family and stick with it when others don't seem to care. It's hard to make it on one income in California. But it is beautiful to see your children grow into responsible adults who care about each other and about the world around them.
